Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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