Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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