Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
