The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
