White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
