It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just pee around me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
