Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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