I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
