How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
