What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
