I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
