i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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