I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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