I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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