Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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