too bad you live with your parents still
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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