I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
