She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
