pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
