Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
