Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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