My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
