So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
