They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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