i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
