I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
