The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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