I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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