: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize