Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
