He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
