Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
