you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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