I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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