So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
