the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
NoShamevember. You game?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
