Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
