i would punch a child for taco bell
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
