Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just gift wrapped bread.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
