thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
