hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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