No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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