i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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