I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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