Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
