Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize