I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
