he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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