she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
