I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The Olympian is in my bed
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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