She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
