I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
