he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
