Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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