chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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