The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
