I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
