I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
