his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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