he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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