Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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