i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
