Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
