I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
