Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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