I swear she didn't look like that last week.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
