should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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