you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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