I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
