1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
