He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
