I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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