I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
