Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
