not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
