god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
